Honolulu...

So it’s my third day here in Honolulu, HI. The weather is amazing and there is lots of beauty around. However, it’s a very busy and loud city with tons of cars and construction. I’m also staying in a hostile at the moment and sharing a room with 4 other girls so there is not much room for privacy or quiet. I assumed before coming here that Honolulu would be a very active city. However, based on my first couple days here I’m not sure that the average person here is active. The taxi driver who dropped me off was a very heavyset man. He took note of my bike box and said to me “as someone who has been riding their bike in Hawaii for the past 30 years let me give you some advice. Here in Hawaii it is illegal to ride your bike on the sidewalk.”
“Oh ya, that’s how it is in Ottawa. I ride on the streets anyways”
“No, no. I’m not finished, he said. What I was going to say is completely ignore that law! Always ride on the sidewalk, unless you want to get yourself killed. The cars are really dangerous here. Trust me I’m a very avid cyclist.”
I glanced at his humongous beer belly and decided it was not necessary to ask if he did it recreational or competitively.
At the moment I’m living right across from the University of Hawaii. I’m not attending this University but the other morning I went to check it out. It’s a huge campus and as I walked around all the students were lined up for coffee while busy texting on their cell phones looking completely depressed. Yes, it was early on a Mon. morning but still aren’t they at least happy that they live in Hawaii? I asked myself. Apparently not. In fact many residents even seem a bit perplexed when they learn that I choose to come here. But I guess it’s like anything, when you get used to something you end up taking it for granted.
Another thing I find weird is how everybody thinks it’s weird that my current mode of transportation is walking even though everywhere I need to go is no more than a 20-30 min walk. Every time I ask for directions ppl direct me to the bus stop. Everybody in my class has a car and were shocked that I had walked ‘all the way’ to school and several ppl offered me a ride home. My campus is on top of a hill. I was at the bottom and stopped to ask where a certain building was. The person (who was part of the athletic department) asked if I was driving because the building was way at the top. I said I was walking and she said “oh dear, well good luck with that. It will be good exercise.” Clearly I need to hook up with some triathletes really soon.
Anyways, on a positive note, my University is amazing. It’s small, really beautiful, and everyone is super nice. I love my classes and professors so far. Class sizes are very small and interactive.
All for now!

Heading to Hawaii!!!!!!

I’m sitting here in the Ottawa airport waiting for my first flight where by the end of the day I’ll end up in Hawaii. After spending at least an hour unpacking and packing my suitcases and running back and forth to the weight scale to meet the weight requirements, I’m set. A bit of a comical scene I suppose with my parents and AC offering advise and comments on what to keep or unpack.
“Your rollarblades are just too heavy Monica. Take them out.” says my Mom.
“What is she supposed to use for transport?” asks AC.
“Why don’t you just buy a new pair when you get there” offers my Dad.
“Why do you have a hole puncher, stapler, paper and six pairs of shoes in your suitcase? Where are all your clothes?”
“Most of my clothes are in my bike box” I say.
“The lady at the counter said you weren’t allowed to have anything other than your bike in there”, says my Mom.
I glance at my bulging bike box, which has much more than my bike. Somehow the guy who packed it for me was able to put my helmet, pump, dried food, clothes, shoes, swimming paddles and a pull buoy in it. I cross my fingers and hope they don’t decide to open it at customs.
“Just say you were using the stuff for extra padding” says my Dad.
I glance down at the two purses I have and have to make a choice between Billabong or Gucci. My dad grabs my Gucci and says
“I’ll take this home for you. May as well take the nice one.”
I look at horror at my dad and say, “Dad, Gucci is the nicer one. But billabong is more Hawaii like”. I sigh and decide on Gucci.
“Come on Monica, you spent the winter at an ashram, didn’t you learn that you don’t need material stuff?” I take a moment and reflect but determine that everything I have packed is absolutely essential. Absolutely. Ok maybe except the peanut butter, nutella and rice noodles and perhaps the dried fruit and nuts since I’m not even sure those are allowed past the border. Being hypoglycemic and gluten-free, I’m a bit of a food hoarder and have an irrational fear of being somewhere where there is no available food that I can eat.
I toss my bottle of sun lotion to my Mom.
“Monica you need to take this or you’ll get skin cancer!”
“Mom it’s ok, I’ll buy some more once I get there.”

Sitting here now by myself I feel inspired to write. Something I haven’t done in awhile. Writing is something I often do when I feel anxious and for the first time in awhile I feel anxious. It’s been a very lengthly, complicated, and costly process to get to where I am right now and throughout everything there was never a doubt in my mind that I was doing what I was meant to be doing. But as I said goodbye to my parents and my great friend AC who came to the airport with me, all of a sudden I’m overwhelmed with emotions. For the first time the question ‘What am I doing?’ has popped into my head. I know these feelings are normal things to experience during a big transition and I’ve travelled enough to know that they will pass but it’s interesting to note that even though I know everything is going to be great and truly I am so excited, some anxiety and sadness still exist. I keep thinking back to when I left for BC last winter and how I didn’t know a soul when I arrived but left having made many friendships and having so many amazing experiences. I’m not exactly sure what the future holds for me but I’ll find out soon enough and try to blog more often as a way to communicate with my friends and family back in Canada. Thank you to all of you who have helped me get to where I am today. You know who u are and I will miss all of you!

Blast from the Past!!!

The novelty of being back has almost run out. This morning I went to swim practice. First 5am wake up in months and first real swim practice in awhile. While in the water I felt as though I had never left. I finally felt like I might perhaps be ready to start real training again. I miss it but at the same time there are things that I don’t miss about it…
Sometimes you leave and upon your return things have changed and are different. Certainly some things have changed but I’m noticing that many things appear to be the same. Upon my initial return last week I felt like I was a completely changed and different person. I felt like I had been away for ions. But now my life in BC seems like a distant memory and far away world. I’m back to being immersed in Ottawa and noticing the things that haven’t changed. Many of my friends are still at their government jobs doing the same thing day in and day out, my parents are still insanely irrational and well the triathletes are still training. This morning I was taken back to my life before I left. I could feel old thoughts, patterns and feelings creeping back to me. Within a short while I was remembering the past with fondness. Why was it that I left again? Maybe I should try and get my old life back? Damn, here I am thinking that I’ve evolved and determined not to look back. Determined to not ever put myself back into a position where stress, pressure, and burnout are strong possibilities. But at the moment only the positive thoughts and memories are floating about in my mind. It’s funny how we very often look back into the past with rose colored lens. Things are never certain or completely in our control. We never know for sure what life will throw at us. One certainty however is that time will march on regardless of what we choose to do with it and therefore things change even if we don't take notice...

Oh how I miss you….Beautiful BC

It’s nice to be back. But I have mixed emotions. I feel as though I have left bits of my heart hanging around somewhere in BC. There’s a certain degree of sadness pulsing through my veins. Nelson BC was such an amazing and mellow town filled with equally amazing and mellow people. Never in my life have I seen so many dread locked hippies, hitchhikers, environmentalists and yogis. Little by little it aided me to drop or at least put aside my Type A obsessive compulsive driven achievement oriented personality.
People trade in their careers in exchange for the lifestyle that awaits in Nelson. However, by its nature it is generally a very transient town. It was definitely the perfect place to be for me while being in the middle of a life transition. I feel that I have been very fortunate to have been able to have a transitional period of floating around in my life. I know that responsibilities and commitments normally weigh most people down and don’t allow them to just pick up and leave town. Also, leaving one’s comfort zone can be difficult. But it seems like when you take the risk of leaving all that is familiar and comfortable you open the door and make room for so much more. Things you couldn’t have imagined or planned. The relationships and connections I made were amazing. I am in awe of where my journey led me and all that it has brought into my life. The beauty and attractiveness of BC and all the people I met has enhanced my life. But I am still feeling sad. I guess I should be remembering the quote “Don’t be sad that it’s over. Be happy that it happened”. Namaste.

Airports and Random Acts of Kindness…

There is something that I have always loved about airports. And I’m not just talking about the idea of going somewhere new even though that’s extremely exciting. But it’s something more than that. I like the actual feeling of being in an airport regardless of why I’m there or where I’m going. Even if I’m just dropping or picking somebody up. Perhaps because it’s an opportunity to see people express raw emotions. I love seeing people completely ecstatic to see one another. I also find it touching when people part with great sadness. By nature I’m often a very impatient person but while stuck or waiting in between flights I never mind at all. I feel kind of in between space. Many people are stressed out travelers. But somehow airports relax me. The only thing I hate is middle seats on airplanes!!
I’m always curious to know where people are going, where they’re coming from, why they are there. Everybody’s got a story. Six months ago I had a brief flight sitting next to a man whose best friend had tragically died in a motorcycle accident. He was on the way to the funeral. I was just so sad for him despite the fact that I had only known him for like 10 minutes and of course didn’t know his friend. He had passed along a magazine for me to read at the end of the flight which happened to have his home address on it. I decided to send him a sympathy card. I never thought about the situation again until I arrived home yesterday to heaps of mail and Christmas presents after intending to be away from home for 2 weeks but instead extending my trip to 6 months… Anyways, I open a card from him just totally expressing his utter surprise and appreciation for receiving the card in the mail… He writes: “Thank you for the nicest most unexpected card I have EVER gotten….”
I tell this story because I just love random acts of kindness and how you just never know the kind of affect they will have on someone or the lasting impact they can have on yourself. I absolutely loved the movie and whole concept of “Pay it Forward”.
So I challenge you to do at least one random conscious act of kindness; whether it be paying someone’s expired parking meter, offering your help, or something as simple as smiling at a stranger. There are countless little ways to brighten a day!! So Shine!
And next time you are in an airport instead of just catching connecting flights try to make a human connection!

Whispers of the Wind...

The wind has been whispering in my ears lately. It communicates to me through my heart and soul. It gives me a nudge when needed. All that is required is a bit of silence and intention. A willingness to hear. A trust to allow that the messages are correct and will lead me to the right place. WHISPER WHISPER WHISPER. The words and details are blocked by the gusts of wind. I understand that it is telling me to move. WHERE WHERE WHERE??? I hear the ocean, I feel the sand between my toes, I smell the rejuvenating air and I see the children playing. The sunblock is packed. My suitcase is ready. WHEN WHEN WHEN???

The Power of Silence and Words!

When I was a child I was told the riddle “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me”. I tried to believe that but it never seemed very true. Words can hurt. They can sting just as bad as any scrape. They can shoot through you if you’re not prepared. Or they can break your heart into pieces and make you feel like you are suffocating. Sometimes the right words are said but turn out to be empty promises that bear no fruit. Actions often speak louder than words.
Other times it’s not the words that hurt. It’s the silence. Sometimes the silence is so loud you want to pierce it with a scream. Silence can also represent regrets. Words that were never said. Opportunities lost forever in the silence. Broken promises. The letting go of a dream that seems to drift away into the silence. Silence can be uncomfortable and awkward. Silence can also represent suffering. People around the world often suffer in silence.
However, that being said, the opposite is also true. Words can invoke hope and deep meaningful emotion. They can encourage, support, and have the power to change lives. Silence can be comforting. It can heal. Taking time to be silent can lead to deep reflection. Or meditation. Strength can be found in the silence. And sometimes even enlightenment. Many positive things can arise from silence. It can be comforting and often nothing needs to be said or done because it is already known through the silence. Much of our human interaction consists of non-verbal communication. Facial expressions, gestures and body language are a soundless yet telling language. Eyes can say a million words. A smile can brighten a day.
I wrote the first part of this blog (the negative part) many months ago. I am now in a spot where I continued writing the positive side. I’ve been so fortunate to be tucked away in a quiet and peaceful community in a remote but astonishingly beautiful area of the world. I am learning how to grow peacefully in the silence. And am observing that there is a great power that exists in the silence.
Silence in our society is rare, so cherish the silent moments and try to immerse yourself in pockets of silence.

Calling on my Soul!

I’ve been in a sort of hiding from the world for the past little while. Limited internet, limited phone, limited conversation, and very little contact with the outside world. Several months back, I wanted to run away from the life that had gradually fallen apart in Ottawa, so that’s what I did. However, I quickly discovered that you can never run away from yourself. And most of our problems reside within so they tend to follow you wherever you go. So although I stepped away from my previous life I took myself, my constant companion with me.
It would have been easy enough to have found a way to have made myself unconscious to life and my constant introspective mind. Many people live unconscious lives and there are countless paths and forms of unconsciousness from drinking, smoking, drugs, any sort of addiction etc…to simply deciding to settle for a mediocre life. It takes courage, strength, and perseverance to truly become conscious. Developing a truly conscious awareness takes a lot of work. Often we see and learn things about our self that we don’t like.
Back in Ottawa, I would often go through days feeling like a zombie. I often felt empty, burnt out, and frustrated. My mind would constantly question the purpose and meaning of life despite the fact of having so much. I yearned for some guiding force and I would often catch glimpses of what I presumed to be my soul.
However, these glimpses and clues were often pushed aside because of the fast pace of life. My soul had been suppressed in a society that doesn’t believe or simply doesn’t have time to believe. We are a society that functions primarily on the physical plane. We demand for scientific data and proof and often disregard other possibilities if they can’t be proved by a study. And on top of that, we want instant results and immediate gratification.
I searched within our seemingly soulless society to try and find meaning but I just couldn’t find anything lasting. I yearned for a spiritual journey and after enough asking that is what I received.
Once the major part of my spiritual journey started I somehow thought it would be easy, like I would automatically somehow become enlightened. Patience has never been my strong point. But like anything it has been full of ups and downs. I joke that instead of being at a triathlon training camp, I’m now at a spiritual training camp. Building a base and foundation for my soul. Instead of losing physical weight, I’m working on losing the weight of the world. Instead of building muscles I’m building up a good storage of “soul fat”. Namaste!